He hated a light room so he brought extraheavy curtains for his bedroom. It might have something to do with hispast but he never looked into that. According to him, physiatrists andcounselors were the evil forces in the modern world. They were like aboveall accountability for their actions and always acted like they wereabove everyone else. One thing that struck him as he was driving the country roads in Illinoiswas how much farmland there was. Once he was outside of Chicago, thingsjust went into Hicksville farmland and miles of it in endless rolls ofcornfields.The town they were in was small by comparison to New York or Chicago.This was A town of around 15000 people total. He turned into his parentshouses driveway and pulled in. Whether he was ready or not, it was timefor him to confront his family that abandoned him and humiliated him. He talked along the driveway in his neat tailored black suit he wore forspecial occasions. He was surprised when his mother opened the door andlet. The fall was continuous, unstoppable even if he wished it so, but as time went on, he discovered that on those occasions when he did not push against love’s gravity, but surrendered to its will, there was an almost transcendent exhilaration associated with this effortless fall. Conscious attempts to control his fall almost always resulted in a frustrating loss of balance and a distortion of his equilibrium, he often became unable to discern up from down, left from right, front from back. But when he placed his trust in love, without question or doubt, the speed at which he fell reached epic velocities. For he had forgotten one basic fact, something so true to the nature of love that it shamed him to realize that it had ever escaped his consciousness – he was not falling alone. Every push was a push against his love, when he struggled for control, he fought against her. Far too often their inability to work together resulted in a writhing, spinning, but ultimately stationary mass..
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